52 posts tagged “theartistd”

It really flips my pancake when I read through people's profiles on networking sites and I see how they describe themselves. It's either not enough or just far too much self-ego stroking.

You should never say, "I don't know what to say about myself. I don't like talking about myself." Well why not? You should have something to say about yourself. Something good to say. If you think you're not worth writing about then I guess you're worthless. In your eyes. Stop it!

Then we've got people that just go over the top. This is a description that would piss me off, "Hi, I'm a gorgeous tall sexy guy. I'm looking to have fun. I love having fun!" Well, that was vague. I guarantee his fun is not the fun I like to have, so "fun" really doesn't sum up anything. Then there's all those adjectives describing his beauty. He has decided that he is gorgeous and sexy. Well let me tell you, I saw this one's pictures and no he's not.

I am attractive and I love myself, however I'm not particularly sure I'd say I am sexy. Perhaps I'd say I feel sexy, but only at times when I actually feel sexy. Who are you to tell anyone how gorgeous you are? How do you know!? One man's gorgeous is another's garbage. Don't try to sell me yourself based on the description of "I'm sexy." Can you imagine if this was all over the phone and you asked a person to describe themselves? "Well, I'm just gorgeous!" I think most people would laugh their ass off to that statement over the phone.

If you asked people why they thought they were sexy or gorgeous they'd start telling you about their skinny waist, six pack abs, tits like rocks or glamorous Bette Davis eyes. As it's usually those that have been brainwashed by Hollywood that feel since they meet the standards of Hollywood, they have passed some test of social attraction.

These people should say what they really are thinking. "I'm very attracted to myself!" I mean, seriously, these people must give themselves a hard-on. Which is actually rather great, but they should just say that instead of all that other business. There is no definition of gorgeous or sexy. Yet people seem to think it has a very set list of standards.
 
I don't think that shit is very sexy. I don't think it's gorgeous much. Actually, I bet I would find it attractive if you didn't brag about it so much. "Look at my six pack abs! This took me forever! Look at them, aren't they sexy!?"  Well they would have been if you didn't care so much about a bundle of over exaggerated muscles.
 
Oh and what about those personal ads in which someone states, "Only contact me if you're hot." How do I know if I'm hot to you!? Do I judge this by looking at you and figuring that since I look nothing like you I am indeed ugly as sin? Since that's how it appears.

I was once told that people (gay men especially) only want who they are. As in the skinny hairless guys want skinny hairless guys and the big buff ones only want big buff ones. At the time I felt this was ridiculous. Who wants what they already have? Not me. I want what I don't have. It's what I have always looked for in both genders when I am looking for a partner.

There really is something to be said about finding someone that completes you. I don't want to look in a mirror when I look into my partner. I want to feel that they make up for all the things I lack and I do the same for them. Together we are a complete puzzle. Finding that person means that I have found someone that makes me a bigger better person with them there. You should have qualities, physically and mentally, that I do not have. I have enough fun with myself, alone. I can eat a meal alone and totally entertain myself. I please myself in plenty of ways just fine. I don't need to find another me to do that. I need a full length mirror to do that, not a person.

For some reason people seem to be hell bent on finding themselves. I want someone to fill in everything I am not. I wouldn't mind a skinny or buff guy, as I am neither. I wouldn't mind a really book smart tom-boy woman, because I am not that either. Opposites are wonderful. Especially if you can debate constantly while still being so in love. It's fantastic.

People have definitely gotten away from that. All this "no drama/no baggage" business in the world of romance. Nobody wants a good fight anymore. Nobody wants a challenge. There is no mystery anymore. A good partner that is totally different. Someone to disagree with and still love. Somebody that doesn't look like yourself. A complex individual. Suddenly "complex" has become synonymous with "scary crazy baggage."

The other evening at that concert I went to there were mostly gay men. Most seemed to be coupled. Almost every pair was exactly the same. They had the same hair cut, same glasses and wore the same type of clothing. I just kept seeing example after example of this and all I could think is ... this is just wrong. This is wrong on a pod people level.

People care too much. People invest too much of themselves into the wrong causes. If you ever did something above and beyond your breaking point, then you've probably cared too much. I don't think we're meant to do that if we don't want to.

The Pet Peeve of this Entry: An individual born into a family and brainwashed that family is the most important thing. This individual throws away over half their hopes and dreams because they believe they are indebted to their family. The family keeps getting deathly ill and one by one this person believes they are responsible to take care of every dying family member, one after the other. Soon this person is dying themselves and the only thing they've done their entire life was "played nurse."

I've seen it happen one too many times. I have had way too many friends that have cut their own life short to make the deaths of people they can't stand more comfortable. We normally have a love/hate relationship with our birth families. I say, if you hate them, get the hell away from them! I.e. your mother has done nothing but treat you like shit all your life. Your mother gets cancer and calls you up to tell you. Your reaction is not to say, "Die bitch, die." Instead you rush to her side and take care of her throughout her last lengthy painful days. Why? Because it's your duty as her child? Since she was a bitch to you and threw you in the closet as a child? That's logical.

The Facts as I Know Them: Your birth family is 100% metaphorically disposable. We are born and the rest is drag, families included. If you don't like them, they why are you keeping them around? They raise you, you move out, you disown them and get yourself a new family. Friends are our family. A friend will get your back because they want to. A family member will get your back only because they feel they have to and that it may benefit them in the long run.

You should never waste your life taking care of someone else if you don't want to. That want should be clear as day and it should never leave you thinking, "Why am I doing this? I could be doing something much better." It is not your duty to care for anyone but yourself. This is why we, the people of our government, have set up services to care for the ill, disabled and unwanted. Yes I know these systems do not work. However they are supposed to and perhaps we need to fix them. That's something to dedicate a life to.

Why I Think So: I am a strong person, thus far fully functional in all the ways I need to be. I am dedicated to myself and my survival — alone. If I were to fall ill or unfortunately forever damaged, the last thing on my mind would be having someone else take care of me. I wouldn't expect it. I would expect the government to poorly take care of me. That's about it.

The Rub: I freak out a bit when I see people that expect to be taken care of. Back before I left my extended birth family I ran into this following scenario quite a bit. We had Old-As-Dirt Family Member A lose their partner. Soon Old-As-Dirt Family Member A got sick themselves. Instead of shipping OADFMA to the hospital or nursing home the family declared "they take care of their own!" Which is all well and good, but what ensued was six years of OADFMA wreaking absolute havoc on about up to a dozen lives, because everyone was burdened. OADFMA's slow death caused three people to have mental break downs, one to start getting gray hairs, another to drink way too much and another to end up on so many anti-depressants it wasn't funny. Now you tell me, was caring for their own, that one single old life, worth the pain & pressure it caused the people trying to manage it? I reckon not.

What's the Point!?: Stop caring for people you don't want to. It's not your job. Would you want someone that hates you taking care of you? If you think you deserve other people's kindness you're wrong. People are responsible, as cosmic creatures, to spread love and happiness. Though I don't think it's a requirement, nor anything you should add to your list of basic level expectations.

Take some responsibility for yourself. We all should. If we all did there would be less of this crap. Not only that, but start to assume other people should be more responsible. We are not children. 

What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

The bar has been raised ever since my ex-husband. There was a time, pre-him, that all I wanted was someone to love and to come home to. I wanted to bake cookies and have someone appreciate them. I needed a snuggle buddy. A partner that would stand by me. The rest was really quite negotiable.

Then I learned that the bar needs to be raised. You need to go for your highest expectation. As even if you find someone to bake cookies for, they might generally suck because eating your cookies, a good man, does not make.

I compare all men to my Norwegian friend. He came, conquered, snuggled and left. He was beautiful, smart and caring. He listened to me. Not only did he do all that but he worshipped me with an understanding that the more you gave me, the more I would give back. This man showed me that there may be some men out there that actually use their brains and bodies properly (not as some sex symbol or over-orgasmic piece of equipment).

The deal breakers are people I don't find attractive. People I wouldn't be willing to have sex with. Men that can't be honest with themselves, let alone me. People that don't eat cookies. Guys that tell me they'll, "help with that weight problem." Someone that can't talk to me. Someone that looks at me as if I'm an alien and that it's a bad thing.  Someone that doesn't understand Zodiac signs. A man or woman that is too horny to do anything but. Someone that doesn't dig art. A person that can't kiss worth shit. Dare I add anyone under the age of 23? I haven't decided firmly on that one yet, but it looks like a good idea.

As a moral to this story I have to tell you that if you desire someone to just enjoy your company, cookies and want snuggles you need not reach farther than a good friend. To continue talking like Yoda, good friends a husband does not usually make. If you want to be appreciated, you don't want a partner, you want a best friend. Give it a try and if you can't find one, look me up.

Carrot Top These Days

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Today at my local grocery store I was in the check-out line when I turned to see who was waiting behind me. I did a double ... triple ... quadruple take to see the immaculate Carrot Top behind me unloading his groceries! 

I know it's odd, but I have always had a thing for Carrot Top once he buffed up and got too tan. I think he's gorgeous. Like a nerd on steroids, he's just blown up into this hunk.

Carrot Top was buying steak. I paid no more mind to what he was buying. I couldn't even say anything to him. I wanted to, but I was afraid to over step as I know that some celebrities don't want to be bothered. For very good reasons too! I took his complete ignorance of the people around him to be a sign that he was the type that just didn't want to be bothered.

It's a shame because I truly believe he is gay. I could have ended up talking to him and going back to his place for some dinner ... and steaks too. We could have played video games as we realize that we've always been meant for each other. Forever!

That or I would have had a better picture to share and I could have at least gotten him to sign my left tit.

My Pic of Carrot Top

 
While waiting for him to exit the store to get a picture of him I saw two older women that were also around the same area in the store that I was. They were really hooting it up about seeing Carrot Top look "so different". Giggling like school girls saying mean things like, "So sad to see him go down hill. Another star finally falls."

Well I didn't want to cause a scene then, but I'll say it now. You rude bitches! I hardly think a man that looks that good and has been performing at The Luxor for over a year now is going down hill. You two on the other hand are two steps away from sharing an oxygen machine. Snap out of it!

If you haven't "got it" by the time you're over 40, I worry for you. Got what? Got milk? No. Got life? Yes. Not the cereal!

Maybe I haven't got it. You need to keep that in mind, because I am as they say "young."

But I get calls from my Mommy and she finally gets it. Even Daddy gets it. The pointlessness of the world. The uselessness. The Bukowski phase. Not saying life isn't precious. It is! She said to me the other day, "So I had you for nothing?" And I was all sorts of, "No!"

I'm very happy to be here. I just think that life is the amusement park ride you always were told to get on but not very impressed by when you got off. Life is not all it's cracked up to be once you've gotten off.

There's always more to do and more to see. There's always more. We get it. All of us peace loving hippies get it. Yet you've got to admit it's not all it was cracked up to be. Life is like a fancy apartment that you rent only to find out that you have really crappy neighbors.

I wouldn't trade this life in for anything. I needed to live this life. I need to live this life. But I hope that when I'm dead I would highly suggest to other spirits they don't return. Perhaps as a cat, but other than that ... no.

Which seems to be the consensus among artists that are very well known within their own mind. The message is clear, Don't Try. Don't Come Back. Makes sense to me. So we must be on to something.

The keys to the space ship are at the bottom of Carlo. Which bottle is the mystery.

I was recently asked what is some of the best advice I have ever received in my life. I'd have to say there are two things that have stuck with me and have been useful throughout the years.

Never do a gig straight and never fry bacon in the nude.

I'm no longer the type of person that should be pondering the meaning of life. With as much crazy stuff I've been through and odd episodes doubting life, I should just get it by now. Yet I have been thinking about it hardcore lately. The question all revolves around what is the freaking point?

Bigger (2006)

Everything went silent tonight. I found myself doing stuff but noticing everything was quiet. Nice and peaceful. I wondered why I didn't believe there was a point to life. There clearly is. There's a script or a flow. I truly believe in ghosts/spirits so I shouldn't be doubting and wondering if. I notice all sorts of things all of the time. How the phone often rings one person right after the hanging up with another. That's too good of timing. People come in and out of life when needed. Money does too. Things do. Animals, sadness, happiness and everything else just seems to pass through at the right moments. Never too much and never quite enough.

There is not going to be an answer, yet there's enough proof around me to just agree that there is an answer. There's no need to think about it or wear myself out over it because there just is an answer. I'll have it eventually and I don't have to look for it. Actually, looking for it and even finding it doesn't help me one bit change any course of living. I'd still be doing what I'm doing, for the most part, slated lights-out ending or not.

So, I decided tonight to just get it. I got it. Life has meaning. We all have a purpose. As in just being here in general. There is probably a continuation to the story further than we see. From now on I just don't want to feel as if my question is unanswered because it isn't. I get it. I got it. It just is. Enjoy it for what it is.

And that's just it.

I was taking a shit this morning and I thought to myself, "I've been 23 for far too long. I think it's time to move on to a new number." — D'fabulous

I've had this particular theory for awhile now that age is only a number. I mean, enough people say that but yet who practices it in all seriousness? I do. I have for awhile now. I have been 23 years old for something like five years. I think birthdays are garbage. Sure, throw yourself a party, but not just because it's the day you were born.

I chose 23 before I was "really" 23 and after I was "really" 23 because 23 was a number of age that appealed to me. For the most part being 23 all these years has been the best age of my life. When someone asks me what was the best age of my life so far I'll tell them 23. It's too bad they think that means one year because to me it was about a three year run of goodness.

Why I refuse to admit my age or change it yearly is based on two factors. First there's the social thing. People judge you on your age no matter how hard they try not to. People younger/older than you base how much more you know or think you might know, compared to them. This either makes them want to be your friend or not want to. By me being the same age for years I can see who judges a person on their age, thus filtering them out of my world. Another perk is that I can show them that age is only a number and change their mind. If they don't know how old I am then they have to look at other factors to determine how smart they think I should be.

Secondly it's because you truly are only as young or old as you think you are. Pick an age and you'll feel it sooner or later. When I was younger than 23 I felt 23. When I was older than 23 ... I felt 23. There's a stigma with every age and even if you don't know what it is you can channel it by going with a number for so long.

Being the same age for several years really does get old though. I've started to have that feeling of, "am I still only 23?" It gives a weird time warp stuck in a certain feeling, feeling. So today I decided I'm not 23 anymore. I'm 25. Have a nice day!