7 posts tagged “love”

It really flips my pancake when I read through people's profiles on networking sites and I see how they describe themselves. It's either not enough or just far too much self-ego stroking.

You should never say, "I don't know what to say about myself. I don't like talking about myself." Well why not? You should have something to say about yourself. Something good to say. If you think you're not worth writing about then I guess you're worthless. In your eyes. Stop it!

Then we've got people that just go over the top. This is a description that would piss me off, "Hi, I'm a gorgeous tall sexy guy. I'm looking to have fun. I love having fun!" Well, that was vague. I guarantee his fun is not the fun I like to have, so "fun" really doesn't sum up anything. Then there's all those adjectives describing his beauty. He has decided that he is gorgeous and sexy. Well let me tell you, I saw this one's pictures and no he's not.

I am attractive and I love myself, however I'm not particularly sure I'd say I am sexy. Perhaps I'd say I feel sexy, but only at times when I actually feel sexy. Who are you to tell anyone how gorgeous you are? How do you know!? One man's gorgeous is another's garbage. Don't try to sell me yourself based on the description of "I'm sexy." Can you imagine if this was all over the phone and you asked a person to describe themselves? "Well, I'm just gorgeous!" I think most people would laugh their ass off to that statement over the phone.

If you asked people why they thought they were sexy or gorgeous they'd start telling you about their skinny waist, six pack abs, tits like rocks or glamorous Bette Davis eyes. As it's usually those that have been brainwashed by Hollywood that feel since they meet the standards of Hollywood, they have passed some test of social attraction.

These people should say what they really are thinking. "I'm very attracted to myself!" I mean, seriously, these people must give themselves a hard-on. Which is actually rather great, but they should just say that instead of all that other business. There is no definition of gorgeous or sexy. Yet people seem to think it has a very set list of standards.
 
I don't think that shit is very sexy. I don't think it's gorgeous much. Actually, I bet I would find it attractive if you didn't brag about it so much. "Look at my six pack abs! This took me forever! Look at them, aren't they sexy!?"  Well they would have been if you didn't care so much about a bundle of over exaggerated muscles.
 
Oh and what about those personal ads in which someone states, "Only contact me if you're hot." How do I know if I'm hot to you!? Do I judge this by looking at you and figuring that since I look nothing like you I am indeed ugly as sin? Since that's how it appears.

I was once told that people (gay men especially) only want who they are. As in the skinny hairless guys want skinny hairless guys and the big buff ones only want big buff ones. At the time I felt this was ridiculous. Who wants what they already have? Not me. I want what I don't have. It's what I have always looked for in both genders when I am looking for a partner.

There really is something to be said about finding someone that completes you. I don't want to look in a mirror when I look into my partner. I want to feel that they make up for all the things I lack and I do the same for them. Together we are a complete puzzle. Finding that person means that I have found someone that makes me a bigger better person with them there. You should have qualities, physically and mentally, that I do not have. I have enough fun with myself, alone. I can eat a meal alone and totally entertain myself. I please myself in plenty of ways just fine. I don't need to find another me to do that. I need a full length mirror to do that, not a person.

For some reason people seem to be hell bent on finding themselves. I want someone to fill in everything I am not. I wouldn't mind a skinny or buff guy, as I am neither. I wouldn't mind a really book smart tom-boy woman, because I am not that either. Opposites are wonderful. Especially if you can debate constantly while still being so in love. It's fantastic.

People have definitely gotten away from that. All this "no drama/no baggage" business in the world of romance. Nobody wants a good fight anymore. Nobody wants a challenge. There is no mystery anymore. A good partner that is totally different. Someone to disagree with and still love. Somebody that doesn't look like yourself. A complex individual. Suddenly "complex" has become synonymous with "scary crazy baggage."

The other evening at that concert I went to there were mostly gay men. Most seemed to be coupled. Almost every pair was exactly the same. They had the same hair cut, same glasses and wore the same type of clothing. I just kept seeing example after example of this and all I could think is ... this is just wrong. This is wrong on a pod people level.

Heart Attack (By D, 2006)

I have almost never been able to understand people avoiding love because it "hurts." There are so many songs about the pains of love and the bastard it all is. Then we've got all these people that are afraid to fall in love because they might get dumped.

This is a very simple thing. I'm a realist. I'm not sure how you can be so hurt by love that you can't get over it. I've lost a lot of people in my life and sure it's uncomfortable. I'll miss them, but I will always want more. Friends, lovers, husbands and whatever else I can get, if they are good and happy then I want those people. I also am not the type to be surprised when someone dumps me. Everyone gets dumped. I'd be amazed if they didn't!

Realism is very helpful when it comes to comparisons. You could be dumped or shot. Which would you rather? And if you say shot you have got to be a dramatic little twerp if you think a gun shot wound is preferable to a broken heart. That's dumb. All the dramatic shit people pull over the loss of love is pretty lame, actually.

Be real. If it's so bad then don't participate. "Oh but I can't help it, I want to be loved!" Exactly. We all want to be loved. So just get some love and enjoy it. Millions of fish in the sea will love you. There will be someone there to love you after the last one and then after this one too. It's not a big deal. Put the violin down.

This morning I'm sitting here watching a beautiful morning outside my window while sipping my special coffee. It's Wonder Woman's recipe. Two scoops of decaf to two scoops of espresso for a full pot. It's really good, helps maintain just the right level of energy.

Today's topic for casual thought is sex. Not about wanting it but just about people having it. And people letting it control them. I kind of explored the world of sex backwards. I was writing dirty poems far before I knew what I was talking about or even knew much about sex. I was still a virgin when I started working in the adult entertainment industry. People are usually known to have sex first and then learn to exploit themselves through it (porn, sex lines, stripping, etc.) I exploited first and tried to cherish it later. It's definitely a more difficult way of going about things. Since when you're finally ready to have sex in your personal life you find yourself thinking like you're on the job. You also wish you could charge some of them afterwards too.

People used to tell me that once I had sex I'd understand the need to do so often. Because you see I never thought it was that great of a thing to have. But since I never had it I couldn't say I was right.

Well now I've had enough sex to know a little something about it. That being I was fucking right. What the hell is everyone making such a big deal about?! And no, I'm not doing it wrong. roflmao

It's enjoyable. Sure. No kidding it's fun and a great time waster, but to think everything revolves around it is ridiculous. Almost all advertisements are based on sex. Our entire culture and governmental system is practically setup because of genitals and the feelings they have. If you look at it a certain way even religion is because of sex.

People go out every weekend and hope to get laid. If you marry certain people and you don't have sex with them nightly they start to think something is wrong with the relationship. All the friend networking communities are used mainly for hooking up (or so it seems). People bitch and bitch about not having any friends, but they take more time and energy to find something that turns them on.

It's all very random for me. It's not important. We've all got our moments, but it shouldn't be such a focal point. It's disturbing and I can't believe so few agree. I know most of you agree with me or at least understand where I'm coming from. But clearly the majority is against me on this one.

Then after I think about how hell bent everyone is to obtain sex, I think about how gross it is. Not the act itself, but how comfortable a lot of people are with having sex with random people. I've ran into way too many people that feel if it's protected then it's safe and OK. Well, it's hardly safe and no it's not OK. I'm not sure how people can live with themselves knowing how many people have been inside their bodies.

No offense if you have had a lot of people inside your body, but I can hardly handle sharing a towel.

I suppose this is mostly a personal opinion. I could never do that to myself. If it isn't a fear of germs then it's a lack of a sex drive. I imagine for those of you who actually are horny more than once a month it's a different view. However I still say those guys who need to ejaculate three times a day need a life.

This is why I hate Queer as Folk. It's a really great show but the random casual sex is ridiculous. It probably harmed the gay community more than it helped. Not only did it make people (of all preferences) look like total sluts, it said it was fine to have sex in a dark back room of a club as long as you use a condom.

I think focusing on sex is very shallow. There's a lot better and deeper things to think about. Not to mention do. And I think it's a grand example how people will do anything to not think.

I've never believed in "coming out" about things we always were. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and surely hundreds of other things people have a yearning to announce to the general public. It's one of those things that I understand in a rhetorical sense. I know why people feel it must be and why they must come out, but I don't think it's quite the way to go about things. It makes me ask these rhetorical questions:

• Why do you need to come out?
  
• Why do you need to tell them who you are?
  
• How come you aren't acting like yourself already?
  
• Does it make a difference telling them?
  
• Why will you think differently of me when you find out a personal preference of mine? 
• Why aren't you acting like who you really are already?
  
• You have to announce who you are before you become it?
  

I know people's answers to all these questions but it isn't right. When I bring my partner to a family function I do not expect anyone to be surprised. It's a huge shame on the family if they feel differently about them.

They need to be prepared for such things. They aren't from this generation. I hate that excuse. It's like just because someone is the equivalent of moldy cheese I need to treat them differently. It's bullocks because I have seen the oldest of people openly accept unexpected difference without a blink of the eye. Just as much as a younger person can.

The more I study world history the less sympathy I have for the "this is new" excuse. This is not new. Sexual difference is not new just as much as liberal free thought is not new. If I believed the teachings I received during my upbringing I would have been convinced that all these "radical preferences" are new and that is why we must break it to society slowly. But the truth is that it's not new. It has just always been pushed to the side and treated like something we're all going to get used to some day ... just not today.

So what do we do? Let's just do the obvious and be strong, being who we really are without others persuading us to be otherwise. That is the downfall of different people. They are afraid to accept that they are who they are after everyone tells them they are not who they think they are. Thankfully I had the fortunate penchant to just shrug my shoulders (to this very day) when someone tells me I am not who I think I am — or that I do not feel the way I think I feel.

I don't think it would be such a big deal if you were who you were from the start. I don't think it would have been such a huge issue if the different people of the world would just be. Sure, lots of people would still take a stand against us and they would still try to blow us to dust. But it would be different. After you are on your own. After you are free of people who could hold you down, then you should be yourself because then what others think of you has no imprisonment upon you. It would be important to note that you should always be yourself, even when you are under someone else's thumb, however you have to have the smarts to realize what you can get away with and what will get you killed.

People let others haunt them too much. Even after they gain freedom and are away from the nest they still bite their tongue and "what if" about their parents or family back at the homestead. I suppose the issue here is that too many people are afraid of losing love and support. But you can always find love and support. The one's you were given by default are not yours to keep if things don't match up. But giving those away doesn't mean you can never have them in another form again. There is always friends to be your family and you should never be afraid of tossing away people who love you but disagree with you. If someone disagrees with who you are, your very programming, then they don't love you as much as you think they do.

Some of the best most comfortable-in-their-skin people can not seem to be happy with themselves. It is bad enough that we have the sheeple that are raised to be unhappy with themselves. Yet on top of that we have people who preach acceptance, but yet don't practice it. While it is hard to practice what you preach, that depends on what you preach.

Over time I have learned to just say this is who I am. I suppose I'm ahead of my time since not only was it a decision I made based on true self acceptance, but it was also because it's just too tiring to be anything else. The latter being why I'm ahead of my time. Usually it takes people far more decades of living to get tired of being something they aren't.

It's a lot like sucking in your stomach when you're around someone you like. After awhile you're going to have to stop sucking it in and let them see you've got a belly. I guess a lot of people have good abs to keep that up for a long time. I can only do it so long to take one or two snapshots. Hah! Much like living that same facade.
 
I'm also more comfortable being myself because I know that I will have love and acceptance from others no matter what I present. It doesn't matter who you are, how you act or what you look like; you will find someone to love you (friends and more). The problem is sometimes the people you wish would love you would not love you for who you really are. But that's no fun anyway. That's a great key to unhappiness. Knowing everyone around you loves you for what you present, but that it's not who you are at all. If you can't let someone love who you really are then how can you love yourself? Not well, that's for sure. You should ask yourself why you want certain people to love you. It's usually not about love but power. Power over others or power over yourself. When someone you love loves you that gives you incredible strength to easily accept things.

When I was in high school I tried my hardest to be accepted by the popular crowd. It was an impossible endeavor. Smart people can rarely fit into the dumbfounded popular crowd. It's like plugging a three-prong plug into a two-prong outlet, sooner or later it's clearly not happening. But in my endeavor to push myself into the popular crowd I pushed away all the other people who did accept me. If I couldn't have what I wanted then I'd have no one. And that was not the path to happiness or self-acceptance.

I'm happy with me. And I'll tell you that the key to that being an honest statement is I found my self-acceptance and happiness on my own. No one came around to make me happy with myself first. I was alone and found peace with me. Too many people need others first before they accept themselves. Find acceptance from others and then you can be sure if you can or can not accept yourself? That's a horrible way of thinking. It's good to have some support, but it's important to remember you are on this planet on your own. You will be the only person that you live with the longest. Learn to get along.

While my friends and loved ones have been with me for the most part through that transformation, it was I who learned to live happily with myself. I did not have "real friends" until I began being the real me. The more real I became the more friends I got. The more real love I found helped me see I was pretty cool just the way I was. Even if I didn't fit in the three-pronged plug. I did not find warm love from others until I truly found it within myself. Things get better as you progress along learning about who you really are versus who you were told to be.

It's really not as scary as it sounds. It's okay. You can come out from under the bed now.

Let's make a list.  What are 20 things in your life that you're grateful for? 
Inspired by wyndslash.vox.com.

1. Blue sky.
   
2. Light rain.
   
3. Friends.
4. The ocean.
5. Paint.
6. A solid roof.
7. Post cards.
8. Air Conditioning.
9. Autobiographies.
10. Zen Masters.
11. Extra Strength Tylenol.
12. Candles.
13. Boyfriends.
    
14. Cigarettes, Vodka & other Vices.
    
15. Satanists.
16. Chapstick.
17. Travel ability.
18. Fag movies on DVD.
19. Fresh air feelings.
    
20. Halloween.

Tree Zen

 Don't forget to roll around in some grass or sit under a tree today.